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What Hubris and Egotism Really Do to Us

Hubris and Egotism

That Time I Torpedoed a Deal Because I Couldn't Shut Up

Lost us fifty thousand dollars last month. Or maybe the month before? Doesn't matter. Point is I blew it because I had to be the smartest person in the room.

The client email was polite but what they meant was "your guy is insufferable." I'm the guy.

Here's What Happened

They're explaining their integration needs and I'm already jumping in with solutions. Not even good ones. Just... words. Their tech lead asks about timelines and instead of saying "let me check," I make up this whole technical explanation on the spot.

Why? Because someone called me a "solutions architect" at some conference and apparently that went straight to my head.

The worst part—their CFO asks something basic and I actually said "well if you'd worked with better vendors, you'd know that's not how it works."

Jesus.

Can't Sleep

That night I'm lying there—3-something, neighbor's dog won't shut up, wondering if goldfish can see color—replaying it. And it's not just that meeting. It's this whole thing where I:

  • Corrected someone's pronunciation in a standup (who DOES that?)
  • CC'd someone's boss on an email to prove I was right about some API thing
  • Keep writing LinkedIn posts that are just "look how smart I am"

Downloaded a meditation app. The one with the British guy? Used it twice. There's a book about emotional intelligence somewhere. Amazon box? Car? My therapist says it's insecurity which, yeah. But like—you know when you know smoking is bad while you're lighting another one?

Actually, you know what helped? Emergent Skills thing. Found it at 2 AM googling "why am I such an asshole." They have this protocol where you catch yourself before you say the stupid thing. There's apparently a moment—like a full second—between thinking "I should correct this person" and actually doing it.

Never noticed it before. Still don't always catch it. Yesterday I noticed it and then did it anyway because apparently my brain—

The coffee machine in the break room makes this grinding noise now. That's not related. I'm just tired.

The Weird Part

Six months later the same company calls back. Different project. I walk in and the conference room smells like burnt microwave popcorn. The tech lead goes "You're the guy who told Linda her vendors sucked?"

I'm ready to crawl under the table.

"She loved it. Said it was the first honest vendor meeting in years. Still thinks you're a dick though."

We got the deal. Bigger than the first one.

I have no idea what to do with this information.

What Now

Look, I still interrupt people. Yesterday in standup I did it twice. But sometimes I catch myself? Like 3 out of 10 times I notice that moment where my brain goes "MUST PROVE INTELLIGENCE" and I can just... not.

The Emergent Skills Connection & Communication stuff helps when I remember to use it. Which is maybe half the time. When I'm not too busy being impressed with myself for remembering.

If you're reading this because you also can't shut up in meetings or you correct people's grammar in Slack or whatever your version is—I don't have answers. Just saying you're not the only one lying awake at stupid o'clock cringing at yourself.

Anyway. Meeting at 9 AM tomorrow where I'll definitely try to shut up.

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PS: Linda if you see this, sorry. And thanks.

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Life Skills - Emotional Intelligence - Soft Skills

The Emergent Skills Program (Yeah, There's Actually a Method to This)

Look, I get it. Another program. Another system. But here's the thing — these 10 pillars? They're literally everything that's been kicking my ass for years, organized into something that actually makes sense. Especially when you're stuck in 🟡 Yellow Zone at 2 PM wondering why basic tasks feel like calculus.

Thirty minutes to stop the spiral. Thirty days to start the fix. Stick around longer if you want to actually master it. Works even when you're 🔴 Red Zone. Maybe especially then.

So I discovered something at 3 AM last Tuesday. Every single panic spiral, every frozen presentation moment, every "why can't I just DO THE THING" — it all fits into one of these 10 categories. And apparently LinkedIn says these are the exact skills that get people promoted? Wild.

The kicker: We use AI coaches exclusively. No awkward video calls with Brad the life coach at 7 AM. Just you, your brain, and an AI that remembers your specific flavor of panic. Plus it scales to whatever Zone you're in — full version when you're 🟢 Green, tiny version when you're Red and just trying not to cry in the bathroom.

OK So Here's What Nobody Tells You

Every single one of these skills? Connected. Fix your sleep, suddenly you can focus. Manage stress, confidence goes up. It's like your brain has been playing life on hard mode and someone finally showed you the settings menu.

The real secret? All these skills are about moving up through the Zones. Spending more time in 🟢 Green, less time in 🔴 Red, knowing what to do when you're stuck in 🟡 Yellow.

The Four Zones (Your Nervous System's Operating Manual)

  • 🟢 Green Zone: Capacity mode — focus, empathy, creativity all online
  • 🟡 Yellow Zone: Strain mode — high effort, diminishing returns
  • 🔴 Red Zone: Survival mode — just trying not to make mistakes
  • Can't-Even Zone: Shutdown — system offline

Every tool in Emergent Skills scales to your Zone. Because "just do better" doesn't work when your nervous system's in survival mode.

The Emotional Intelligence Part

  • Finally understanding WTF you're feeling. Red? Yellow? Green? Changes everything.
  • Not letting emotions hijack your whole day. Recognizing Red Zone spirals before they eat your afternoon.
  • Reading rooms without being creepy. Sensing other people's Zones equals social intelligence.
  • Navigating office politics like an adult. Requires Yellow/Green minimum.

The Career ROI Part

  • Showing up consistently. Bare minimum, still counts. Yellow Zone reliability beats Red Zone heroics.
  • Speaking without your voice shaking. Yellow/Green vocal control equals executive presence.
  • Being the calm one when shit hits fan. Staying Green while everyone else goes Red.
  • Actually collaborating, not just cc'ing.

The Science-y Part

  • Your patterns aren't your personality. They're just Red Zone survival habits that stuck.
  • Interrupting spirals before they start. Catching Yellow before it crashes into Red.
  • Techniques based on actual research. Polyvagal theory equals Zone Framework in fancy language.
  • Building new neural pathways. Teaching your nervous system Green exists.

McKinsey says improving well-being could unlock $11.7 trillion in value. For you? More energy, better focus, being the one who gets tapped for opportunities while everyone else is burning out.

You're in Green/Yellow while the competition's stuck in Red. That's not talent. That's capacity management.

The AI coach doesn't judge when you practice the same anxiety technique 47 times at 3 AM. No awkward "how does that make you feel" conversations. Just you, figuring out how to stop self-sabotaging, one 30-minute session at a time.

And it scales to your Zone. Full coaching in Green, bite-sized basics in Yellow, survival mode scripts in Red. Because you can't "think positive" your way out of a nervous system state, but you can give it better tools.

Pick Your Biggest Problem & Start Fixing It

Thirty minutes to stop the spiral. Thirty days to start the fix. Stick around longer to master it. 
(Works in any Zone. Especially the bad ones.)

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