That Time I Torpedoed a Deal Because I Couldn't Shut Up
Lost us fifty thousand dollars last month. Or maybe the month before? Doesn't matter. Point is I blew it because I had to be the smartest person in the room.
The client email was polite but what they meant was "your guy is insufferable." I'm the guy.
Here's What Happened
They're explaining their integration needs and I'm already jumping in with solutions. Not even good ones. Just... words. Their tech lead asks about timelines and instead of saying "let me check," I make up this whole technical explanation on the spot.
Why? Because someone called me a "solutions architect" at some conference and apparently that went straight to my head.
The worst part—their CFO asks something basic and I actually said "well if you'd worked with better vendors, you'd know that's not how it works."
Jesus.
Can't Sleep
That night I'm lying there—3-something, neighbor's dog won't shut up, wondering if goldfish can see color—replaying it. And it's not just that meeting. It's this whole thing where I:
- Corrected someone's pronunciation in a standup (who DOES that?)
- CC'd someone's boss on an email to prove I was right about some API thing
- Keep writing LinkedIn posts that are just "look how smart I am"
Downloaded a meditation app. The one with the British guy? Used it twice. There's a book about emotional intelligence somewhere. Amazon box? Car? My therapist says it's insecurity which, yeah. But like—you know when you know smoking is bad while you're lighting another one?
Actually, you know what helped? Emergent Skills thing. Found it at 2 AM googling "why am I such an asshole." They have this protocol where you catch yourself before you say the stupid thing. There's apparently a moment—like a full second—between thinking "I should correct this person" and actually doing it.
Never noticed it before. Still don't always catch it. Yesterday I noticed it and then did it anyway because apparently my brain—
The coffee machine in the break room makes this grinding noise now. That's not related. I'm just tired.
The Weird Part
Six months later the same company calls back. Different project. I walk in and the conference room smells like burnt microwave popcorn. The tech lead goes "You're the guy who told Linda her vendors sucked?"
I'm ready to crawl under the table.
"She loved it. Said it was the first honest vendor meeting in years. Still thinks you're a dick though."
We got the deal. Bigger than the first one.
I have no idea what to do with this information.
What Now
Look, I still interrupt people. Yesterday in standup I did it twice. But sometimes I catch myself? Like 3 out of 10 times I notice that moment where my brain goes "MUST PROVE INTELLIGENCE" and I can just... not.
The Emergent Skills Connection & Communication stuff helps when I remember to use it. Which is maybe half the time. When I'm not too busy being impressed with myself for remembering.
If you're reading this because you also can't shut up in meetings or you correct people's grammar in Slack or whatever your version is—I don't have answers. Just saying you're not the only one lying awake at stupid o'clock cringing at yourself.
Anyway. Meeting at 9 AM tomorrow where I'll definitely try to shut up.
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PS: Linda if you see this, sorry. And thanks.
