Why Do I Keep Checking the News When It Literally Makes Me Want to Die
I hate myself for this but here we are. 2:47am and still scrolling.
urg
okay so I just read about bird flu mutations for 47 minutes and now I'm googling "pandemic preparedness checklist" even though I LITERALLY did this exact same thing last Tuesday with the banking thing and the Tuesday before that with... I don't even remember. Nuclear something.
My anxiety is so bad I can feel my heartbeat in my teeth. Is that normal? Probably not. Should probably google that too.
Actually no. No. Stop.
But what if—
The Thing Where I Pretend This Is Just A Quirky Millennial Problem
My therapist Janet (not her real name but she looks like a Janet) keeps calling it "doom scrolling" and I'm like okay yes I get it, cute internet word, very 2020 of you Janet but this is destroying my actual life??? Like I called in sick to work last week because I spent all night reading about forever chemicals in rainwater and couldn't stop crying about it.
Marcus at work—the one who's always talking about his "wellness journey" ugh—he told me about Emergent Skills after I had that full meltdown in the break room. Remember that? When they announced the layoffs and I immediately started catastrophizing about economic collapse?
Yeah. That.
Downloaded the app at 3am (of course) when I was deep in a "signs of societal collapse" rabbit hole. There's this thing called Worry Window where you're supposed to schedule your worry time? Like "okay brain, we'll freak out about climate change from 3-3:30pm, pencil it in."
Except my brain doesn't give a SHIT about schedules apparently.
Last Tuesday. Banking collapse news everywhere. I'm on my bathroom floor at 1am because I didn't want to wake up Sarah with my phone light and—
Wait did I mention my wife? Sarah. She's somehow immune to all this. Just... sleeps. Through everything. Must be nice.
ANYWAY I'm on the bathroom floor and the tiles are cold and I'm trying this Center-Breath + Label thing from the app where you breathe for 4 counts and name what you're feeling and I'm like "TERROR ABOUT MONEY" and the Capacity Coach is like "good, where do you feel it in your body" and I'm like EVERYWHERE??? MY SOUL???
But weirdly... after like 10 minutes of this... I stopped googling "bank run 1929 vs 2023" so. Progress?
So apparently (according to Janet and also the internet and also something about productivity losses being insane right now) our brains can't tell the difference between:
A) Bear attacking you right now
B) Nuclear war might happen maybe
Same threat response. Same cortisol. Same everything. Except you can't punch nuclear war in the face.
Trust me I've tried.
(That was a joke. Kind of.)
The worst part—no wait, there are so many worst parts. But ONE of the worst parts is that I KNOW the news is designed to make me click. They literally have people whose job is making headlines scarier. "This Common Household Item Might Kill You" and shit.
And I KNOW this.
And I still click.
Every. Fucking. Time.
My mom doesn't read news. Just doesn't. Lives in her little bubble with her garden and her book club and when I told her about the insect apocalypse she was like "oh that's nice dear, did you see my tomatoes?"
THAT'S NICE??? THE BUGS ARE DYING MOTHER.
Just checked. Bird flu update. Nothing new. Checked anyway.
Oh also I tried that 2-Minute Reframe thing from Emergent Skills last week when I was spiraling about AI taking all our jobs. You're supposed to... I don't remember exactly. Something about finding one thing you can control?
I made tea.
That was my big control move. Made fucking tea while Rome burns. But I did stop reading about mass unemployment for like 20 minutes so... yay?
This is a skills practice, not medical or mental-health treatment. <- The app keeps saying this and I'm like yeah no shit, if this was treatment I'd be cured by now.
wait what was i even talking about
oh right the news thing
idk anymore its 2:31am and i think my neighbor is awake too because i can see their tv light flickering and i wonder if theyre also reading about
Oh God Which One Are You
Quick test - what's your current doom scroll flavor:
- Can't stop checking news even though each update makes you want to scream
- Read about work stuff on weekends then can't enjoy weekend
- 3am nuclear war research sessions
- Crying about things you can't control
- Everything is terrible so why even try
If you picked all of them congrats you're me
I should sleep.
I should definitely sleep.
But what if something happens while I'm sleeping and I don't know about it and then tomorrow everyone's talking about it and I'm the idiot who didn't know that—
Fuck.
2:52am.
Just gonna check if there's any updates on the
Jesus Christ Just Try Something
Look if you made it this far you're probably also on your phone at 3am reading about disasters so maybe just... try the thing? The app thing? It's free and what else are you doing?
At least then we can spiral with techniques or whatever
